Speak Out With Your Geek Out

This week is Speak Out With Your Geek Out week in which everyone is invited to share their "geek-out," by telling others via blog, Twitter, Facebook, etc. what your fandom, interests, or hobbies are and, to share them with the community at large. Also, to express what those things, and being a geek, mean to you. The purpose is to inspire, encourage, get others enthusiastic, and to be a role model. I will do my best on those, and please dear reader, be patient, for this will be one of my longer posts.

Volunteering

My interests in the geek community largely revolve around volunteering. This is because that once I get really interested in something, it's difficult for me to only go part way. Let's take reading for example. If I'm enjoying a book, I will look into information about the author, other works they have done, character analysis, literary discussions, and perhaps suggestions of other titles I might like that relate to this one. Certainly, I take my reading seriously. This could be largely in part to my education, or perhaps just an obsession. Hard to say.

But back to volunteering. In 1999, I went to a new fan-run convention called CONvergence. When I went there with a group of friends, I had never heard of Minicon (what CONvergence spun-off from), the Minnesota Science Fiction Society, or conventions like this at all. It is possible I lived under a rock. But during that weekend in 1999, I realized one thing. There are others like me that enjoy this sort of thing. At the time, and even now, I couldn't quite place what "this sort of thing" was. CONvergence to an outsider is difficult to describe unless one truly knows conventions. A convention consists of a gathering of like-minded individuals, but doesn't always include the same aspects. At this particular convention, there are parties, mainstage shows, a masquerade, panels, and an art show, to name a few attractions. I don't believe I got around to everything, but of what I did see, I thoroughly enjoyed. I think what interested me was that everything was different. It wasn't reliant on pop-culture or mainstream media. It was odd and tastefully so. And there was such a grand sense of community. The "one of us" group-think is common at any type of convention, but since it was my first time experiencing it, it was an amazing thing to be a part of.

My life went on and I went to every subsequent CONvergence held. In 2002, I began volunteering for the convention as a photographer and have done so every year since, and now am the co-head of the Photography department, which had become its own a few years in. I love going to CONvergence and watching others have the same attitude that I did upon walking into the convention for the first time. I love seeing the faces that express "Holy crap... I'm not alone..." I live for that, and truly, it's why I go back every year. To watch and cultivate the fandom of others. And CONvergence is a convention for all types of fandom. Movies, anime, art, science, projects, costuming, writing, etc. The appreciation for all those genres is cultivated and expanded upon there, encouraging others to do the same, whatever their interests.

When CONvergence started, it was run by a society called MISFITS, the Minnesota Interest for Science Fiction and Fantasy. They are now called GPS, or the Geek Partnership Society. This non-profit group was taking the money made from CONvergence and putting it back into the community. Sending kids to space camp, bringing authors, scientists, university programs, and more into under-funded schools and also funding programs that helped our community of geeks share their interests all year long. After Andrew and I moved back to the Twin Cities, we had more opportunities to get involved in our community, including MISFITS/GPS. And as we were getting older, we realized that the most important part of being involved in our community of geeks was indeed giving back to others. I personally felt that my time was more worth while spent with GPS than with CONvergence, though essentially, the two share similar goals. Have fun, make money for literacy for kids. You really can't go wrong there.

In January of 2011, I was named head of Project Lighthouse, the division of GPS that works specifically with bringing educational programs into the schools. My time in this position is short, since I am working on another project for GPS that may prove to expand my talents, but for now I'll keep quiet on that. In volunteering and being a part of this community, I feel so very lucky, and while I'm not religious, I feel that the only way to describe how I feel is blessed, that I have such wonderful people to work with.

Through my CONvergence/GPS and other friends connections, I got involved with another convention called Anime Detour. At first, I was just called in as a favor to help, and then it turned into something else: a personal desire to ensure that the younger generation had a place to go to that was fun and safe. I do like anime, but that's not really why I go. I volunteer with AD because of the people. Once I worked with them, I was hooked. And I've never met a group of people - CONvergence committee or otherwise - who run a convention with such finesse. Especially one with 5000 teenagers. I was so surprised when I started with their committee how they seemed to be so relaxed and still so energized. For a smaller and younger group of people running a larger convention (their weekend population is more than that of CONvergence's), they run it with stride and dedication, and have less of an impetuous belief of entitlement than I've seen in older committees, but then, it's been said that the rewards for AD con-com are also greater.

My volunteerism isn't just linked to geeks and conventions though. Luckily, when Andrew and I moved back in 2007, our jobs working from home afforded us the time to volunteer in other ways. We both helped out at our local high school, tutoring kids who needed support with writing, math, and science. We also became teachers assistants that year, each of us assigned a teacher in a different elementary school to aid. Indeed, it was probably the most meaningful thing both of us did that school year.

But is volunteering truly a "geek-out"? Is it more of an obligation of a citizen to get involved in what he or she cares about simply to make his or her world a better place? I'd rather it be that way, but some take their obligations more seriously than others. I guess I think that if we spend a significant amount of time with something, or care enough, then it is our obligation to help out - with time or money. And volunteering doesn't go unnoticed. Americans are getting more involved, and volunteering isn't something that has to take up all of your time. Just because I let it doesn't mean that less time put in isn't important or rewarded. Every hour and every deed adds up and we as a society can change our world for the better - little by little.

My Other Interests

Aside from keeping myself busy with my local geek community, I have a lot of personal interests that I enjoy all year long. That is, when I have time for them.

• I like sewing and making costumes. I'm very much a novice, but I've enjoyed the few projects I've done.
• I enjoy movies - most kinds, except horror - and go out to see them a lot with Andrew.
• I love renaissance festivals, though mostly because of the costumes and shows. The dirt, spending loads of money, and the drama don't appeal to much.
• I love libraries and visit mine frequently. 
• I read like a fiend.
• I play World of Warcraft. Don't talk to me unless you play Horde. ;-)
• I have a great camera and love photography.
• I like vampire books and shows. I see this more as a weakness.
• I'm intrigued by the Steampunk movement and try to experience it when/where I can.
• I like fast cars, but only in safe controlled environments. Don't tell my husband. 
• I love writing. I am going to be an author. 
• I draw and used to make my own webcomic. 
• I enjoy animation, anime, and cartoons in general. 
• I listen to all sorts of music, but considerably appreciate anything with violins, piano, and bagpipes.
• I like to bake, but I'm not sure I can consider this a fandom...
• I have four American Girl dolls. I love them too.

I'm sure there is a fandom or a group of enthusiasts for almost every one of these. I don't belong to them, but I could if I wanted to. Ah, the magic of the internet and the magic of community!

Since I am supposed to be encouraging, I would encourage anyone - especially younger people - to get involved and do what you like while you can. The younger you start, the more adept you become as you get older. And the more friends you make, which should never be underestimated in importance.

Being a geek, or even just having a "geek-out" that you enjoy, is all about being enthusiastic in what you do, and encouraging others to do the same. It's about friendship, community, and support.

It's doing what you love and letting the rest follow.

Ode to a Car

There are few things I've had in my life (not counting people) for over a decade. That is to say, few things that I've used, for the most part, on a daily basis. And while I don't consider myself a material person, it was clear to me that as the tow truck drove away with my 1995 Ford Taurus that this particular material possession was far more than just a vehicle to me. It was a companion, a friend, for eleven years.

I didn't immediately like the car when it was presented to me in May of 2000. Still upset at the death of my last car, I was being forced to make a quick decision. I was in college and working, and I couldn't go without a car for too long. What made the process easier was that my mom was also buying a car the same weekend as me. Hers was failing and ironically, we both ended up with Fords (hers technically a Mercury, I believe). We purchased our cars from a family friend who was a car dealer. A very nice man named Mike Larkin who had put me in my previous car too, and also tried to teach me how to drive a stick. He had a daughter who went to UWEC like I did, and asked me if I was paying all my parking tickets. UWEC is notorious for it's terrible parking and giving out parking tickets like candy on Halloween. I will always remember that day because while generally the relationship between a car salesman and the buyer is a tenuous one, I liked Mike and I trusted that he would get me into a safe and reliable car. He promised my mother and grandfather so. And he did. Though at the time, I wished we could have had the extra luck to get a color I liked.

My Taurus was silver, and I later called it The Silver Bullet, since I was prone to naming my cars at the time. My first car, a Plymouth Sundance, was a tiny little thing that I ironically called The Great White Shark. That car died the weekend of my high school graduation, which was yet another irony. Out with the old and in with the new, I suppose. Next came my Mercury Sable, a dark green sedan which for the life of me, I can now not remember the name of. No doubt I called it something corny like "The Green Machine."

But none of these lasted a significant fraction of the time that my last car did. I had my Taurus for my first date with Andrew, my wedding, our drive across the country and back again, my entire stint as a Navy dependent to an active-duty sailor. For a while, it was our family car - if a family can be just two people - while Andrew went through his other cars. And boy, did he know how to take care of a car. My Ford wouldn't have lasted half as long as it did without him. A few years back the Taurus was starting to show it's age by having a few transmission problems. It shook, jolted and made plenty of noise. A couple years ago, the muffler started to fail, and while we could have gotten it fixed, we knew that without fixing the transmission (which would cost more than the car was worth), fixing the muffler - or really any major problems - wouldn't be worth it.  So, we watched our car fail, and I begged it silently every time I drove it to hang on a bit longer. The situation wasn't that drastic...It drove well enough; it just seemed to make a fuss about it. But I knew it was only a matter of time before we'd have to say goodbye.

Andrew and I knew we couldn't sell the car for a lot of money, nor would we really want to. No teenager could buy the car and drive it safely without putting a lot of money into it, and in which case, what was the point of buying a cheap car? So we decided to donate. Andrew wanted to go local, and I wanted to go military, so when we heard about Minnesota Vietnam Veteran's Charity, we decided to go through there. Personally, I'd rather have found a place that covered all vets and not just the ones from Vietnam, but considering how many people were affected, I couldn't deny that they would reach a lot of people.

I won't go into the process or legalities of donating a car, but if you need information yourself, feel free to ask me. I now know the tax forms, the paperwork to read, etc. that is required for this sort of thing.

I cleaned out the car a few days ago, and Andrew took out my nice speakers yesterday, saying he'd find them a new home. My car was loaded with memories, and quite honestly, a little bit of trash. Some things manage to quite literally slip through the cracks, and I found a receipt from Norfolk in 2003. $1.45/gal for gas. If I could time travel, I'd go back and buy gas. ;-)  As I noted on Facebook, I also found a 2006 Connecticut Renaissance Festival program guide (my favorite ren fest), old candy, a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker, and a bunch of travel maps and brochures, as well as an earring, coins, and a mini plastic cell phone that looks like it was meant for a Barbie.

Cleaning, removing speakers, and sorting the items didn't give me the finality of what the Vietnam Vets' tow truck did. Andrew noticed I was crying, so I left him, not wanting to deal with his mocking jests. He probably wouldn't have been that bad, but I hate being witnessed crying, especially when it seemed so silly. Though I knew it wasn't silly. Our Taurus was a good car, and it would be missed, and rightfully so. That car listened to me sing at outrageous volumes, let me sit on it to watch the stars, and once I think I even tried to have sex in it, which is probably the most uncomfortable thing in the world. It's held friends, family, wayward teens, boxes, liquids, leftovers...

My car had a soul and it was very good to me. I will miss it, and I hope that some lucky vet somewhere can fix it up and make good use of it.

My So-Called Rewind

I just finished watching all of the episodes from the series My So-Called Life, a teen drama that aired on ABC from 1994-1995. In my mind's eye, I was older when I watched this on television, but the dates suggest I was only 14 and 15-years-old. Which was the show's target audience I guess.

Anyway, when I first watched the series as a teenager, I found it profound and deep, touching and so very true to life. Now, 17 years later (is that right?! Am I that old now?!), I find it slow, tense, and at many parts, embarrassing.

I decided to re-watch the show for a couple reasons. One, it was on Netflix. I had been meaning to purchase the series, but now I'm glad I didn't; mostly because Netflix is alleviating some of my shelf space issues. Two, I wanted to remember. Often times, I feel that so much of my youth has left my memory. There are a lot of holes that I can't fill and a lot of feelings that I can't place with dates and times, though this show does stick out as one of those things that I watched with friends, and discussed the morning after.

For many kids, including myself, I found that I had a lot in common with a couple of the characters. The protagonist, Angela, especially. Same age, same hair, same dense, vague disposition. Re-watching the series, I couldn't stand Angela's character for the first few episodes. She seemed mean and stupid, and not especially bright. But she began to grow on me (again) and I realized (or perhaps remembered) that most teenagers aren't that bright. After all, we were just kids growing into adults, and all those hormones tend to make you lose common sense.

Actually, now that I think about it, if this show aired when I was a freshman, then I copied her air unintentionally... I don't think I started dying my hair all shades of red until I was a sophomore. Ah, those were the days... Letting your friends put all manner of chemicals into your body. Not that I regret that. Actually, unlike my sitcom doppelganger, I didn't do all that much in high school. Certainly I analyzed everything to death, but I'm pretty sure that's common.

The show was cancelled after only one season, and a short one at that. Only 19 episodes long, the season ends before the viewer gets any answers about the outcome of the characters. We know that Graham (the father) is now in the restaurant business, but will he be successful? Will he cheat on Patty with Hallie? Do Angela and Jordan reconcile? Will they get it on? Will Angela forgive Rayann? Will Brian ever figure out life? These questions, while ultimately futile and pointless are now weighing on my mind.

This show gained quite a cult following. Wiki hinted at this being due to the fact that teenage drama channels like WB and CW hadn't yet begun and this show was one of the first to show the teenage years as anything but a light and airy time of life. Certainly, if you watch any teen shows now, you see that high school is anything but. Well, it took many years, but at least they got it partially right. Calling high school a living hell may be a bit drastic, but not overly so. MSCL still paints a pretty good picture of the struggles of youth. And now, watching as an adult, I think the writing for the parents and adults wasn't bad either. After all, we're all just trying to do our best with the situations that we're given.

Watching this again I've decided wasn't a waste of time. Indeed, I think I needed the reminder that while I had good friends in high school, I was happy to leave there and move on to college. The real world doesn't really have less drama then high school, but at least now we're not all stuck in one building all day long to try to deal with it.

Long Weekend

It's Wednesday following the 4th of July weekend, and I cannot believe that one week ago, I was up to my neck in CONvergence preparations. From Wedneday (the 29th) to the following Monday, Andrew and I were helping run the largest party in the midwest. Days after, I am still exhausted, though more mentally than physically. Physically though, I seem to have wounded my knee, and I'm not sure quite how that happened.

This weekend kept me busier during the convention than I'd ever been before. This year, I had four groups I was working with, and obligations for each one. For the convention committee itself, I was working as a sub-head for Merchandise (acting head up until May while Andrew finished the semester) and co-head for the Photography department. Merch was probably the most maddening, and Photography the least so. I have more fun with that than anything else.

I was also running the Dr. Horrible and Buffy sing-a-longs for VHU and MN Firefly. MN Firefly/Browncoats have a licencing agreement that gives them the rights to show Dr. H at CON and also at a local theater in August to raise money for charity (Equality Now). The Buffy one VHU does on it's own, but invites the browncoats in to give their speech on Equality Now, just as they do for the Dr. H sing-a-long. I myself am not planning on hosting the sing-a-longs next year for two main reasons. One, I'd like to enjoy the con from 11 to 1 every night and not have to worry about technical difficulties (which seem to plague me every year). Two, my relationship with VHU has faltered and I no longer get along with several of their members. Sad that I seem to rack up enemies the way I do, but I hate bigotry and hipocracy, and worst of all, I hate passive aggressive talking behind the back. I will never tolerate that, and would stand up to someone at the cost of friendship rather than accept a fair-weather friendship that is only based on lies.

Please forgive my tangent there. Aside from those items, my GPS/Project Lighthouse duties included setting up Raptor Center visits on Thursday and Saturday. On Thursday of the convention for a few years now, we've brought in kids from a local school as a field trip to see the con and see what we do. The kids go through "classes", help out around the convention and have a pizza party. One of the classes was the Raptor Center visit I set up. The kids loved the birds and I was very happy at how it went. Prior to that presentation, Andrew hosted the Science Q&A, and I was so proud at how he answered questions from all the kids.

The Saturday visit (for the rest of the convention attendees) went well too. The room was over-filled, and many were standing or sitting on the floor. The presenters did a great job and the leader - Katie - and I discussed how we could get a database together of all the schools who we could send them to. Very exciting! As the person in charge of Project Lighthouse, I love all the new friendships we help cultivate between schools and educational programs.

But a lot of these relationships take work. I did a lot of schmoozing over the weekend. A lot of networking and just plain a lot of working. This convention has become a job and the people all just co-workers. This is a major problem for me. First of all, I'm not getting paid for it, and it might be that I'm doing far too much to not be getting any benefits. And second, I'd really rather be spending the time with my real friends - hanging out, having fun...all that good stuff. Volunteering a few hours here and there is worth it... but I'm realizing that volunteering my life away isn't. Even if it turns out that in the end, more money is donated because of me, or more kids are educated because of me, I don't know that I can put a number on it to justify its worth.

It's obvious I've been pretty conflicted lately. I love being busy, so busy that I can barely breathe is a bit much. And of course, due to that, I've been neglecting personal relationships. Family, friends, etc. Though I'm sure they understand, I don't wish to sacrifice them for nothing.

Actually... I want to start sacrificing all of this for me. I want to start getting what I want.

Now, to just figure out what that is...

My Crossroads

These days, I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life. There are many ways that I could go, but not all at once, of course. So now I ask myself, what is it that I want? Where do I want to be?

So readers, bear with me as I brainstorm. I even drew a picture.

And apparently I drew it too large for my scanner, so I had to remake the question mark up at the top. But let's start to the right. The 3-o'clock position. 

Kids! I could have children. Andrew and I have been off-and-on again on this subject for a long time. We've never been ready, nor really 100% sure we wanted them. And I guess I feel like I should be that sure. I've received lots of advice on this issue. My father said to not wait until I'm ready, because I'll never be ready. By his thinking, children are like a natural disaster. You can never be 100% ready; you just have to deal with the aftermath the best you can. My mother thinks differently. It's my life and when they get here, it won't be. Then it'll be the Children: The Movie and I'll just be a side actor. Or a behind-the-scenes tech crew worker. I believe I'm equipped to handle this. I am one of the strongest people I know (1) and I believe that I can do anything, including putting myself and my needs on the back-burner when needed. But right now I'm in luck... I don't have to. I can work on me first. And really, I should work on me first. I wouldn't want to punish a child by having to deal with my crap, and worse, mine AND Andrew's crap. I don't believe the Boomer generation really thought all that through like our grandparents' generation did (2). The best advice I got about having children came from my friend Carolyn. She basically assured me that being unsure is okay, and that if I'm not completely gunning for it, it's really okay to not have kids. If I remember correctly, to paraphrase: If you're not ready, don't. My cousin Kirstin said something similar to me too, telling me that even though I worry of too many redneck kids in the world, there are plenty of liberals out there having kids too, and I don't have to add to the scale just for that reason. Not that liberalism is my only reason...lol  My grandparents - no let me change that - my grandfather - pressures me for an addition to the family, and I think he thinks that procreating is a duty. I'm not so sure when there are plenty of kids out there already. Our planet is full enough, thank you very much. But I only think that in defense. I don't think I would be doing any damage by adding another child to the world. 

Career! My other option right now is to focus on my career. This is sort of tricky because I'm not sure I want to do what I've been doing for the rest of my life. I'm a technical writer and an editor - a pretty good one too, I think. I love grammar and I know it inside and out. And for what I don't know, I have these handy style manuals that remind me what I am forgetting in my old age. So anyway, I could continue on this path... Get a new job and work hard at it. Maybe be an editor-in-chief of something someday. Mostly what I'm looking at here is money. I really like money. It helps me buy stuff that I don't need like designer clothes, spendy Christmas gifts for others and vacations to Disney World (3). 

School! Even though I'd have no idea how to pay for it, eventually I'd like to go back to school. Either for my MA in something (everyone says business graduates make lots of moolah), or going back to school for art. As I'm sure you can tell from my drawing, I love to do so, but the talent is somewhat lacking. And never mind my complete disregard for perspective. My dream job would be to work for Pixar. But that's one of those dream jobs that is the ultimate dream. I don't think I can get that far. Not without a lot of schooling, the best grades, and a lot of luck. 

The side roads... Well, let's be honest. Don't we all wish sometimes that we could just pack up and leave? I would love to sell everything, buy a plane ticket and move to a sunny island somewhere. Work as a bartender and spend my mornings at the beach. Yeah, I could totally dig that. (4) And of course I have other ideas. Plans I would never initiate unless I was at rock bottom. Or if the eventual zombie apocalypse comes early. And it will come. ;-)

So, where does my brainstorming lead me? Well, I'm still not sure. Still stuck. Maybe I need motivation. Or a sign. Maybe I just need to cuddle my guinea pig some more and then when I'm done sneezing, contemplate some more.

1. I hate wusses and weak people. My grandparents are the toughest people I know, and I believe I've followed well in that category.

2. The Boomers ruined everything.

3. That's a big one. Just about everything I do I do with the knowledge in the back of my mind that I want to go to Disney World again. And again. And again.
4. Does saying "dig" date me? Is that not cool anymore? :-p