So readers, bear with me as I brainstorm. I even drew a picture.
And apparently I drew it too large for my scanner, so I had to remake the question mark up at the top. But let's start to the right. The 3-o'clock position.
Kids! I could have children. Andrew and I have been off-and-on again on this subject for a long time. We've never been ready, nor really 100% sure we wanted them. And I guess I feel like I should be that sure. I've received lots of advice on this issue. My father said to not wait until I'm ready, because I'll never be ready. By his thinking, children are like a natural disaster. You can never be 100% ready; you just have to deal with the aftermath the best you can. My mother thinks differently. It's my life and when they get here, it won't be. Then it'll be the Children: The Movie and I'll just be a side actor. Or a behind-the-scenes tech crew worker. I believe I'm equipped to handle this. I am one of the strongest people I know (1) and I believe that I can do anything, including putting myself and my needs on the back-burner when needed. But right now I'm in luck... I don't have to. I can work on me first. And really, I should work on me first. I wouldn't want to punish a child by having to deal with my crap, and worse, mine AND Andrew's crap. I don't believe the Boomer generation really thought all that through like our grandparents' generation did (2). The best advice I got about having children came from my friend Carolyn. She basically assured me that being unsure is okay, and that if I'm not completely gunning for it, it's really okay to not have kids. If I remember correctly, to paraphrase: If you're not ready, don't. My cousin Kirstin said something similar to me too, telling me that even though I worry of too many redneck kids in the world, there are plenty of liberals out there having kids too, and I don't have to add to the scale just for that reason. Not that liberalism is my only reason...lol My grandparents - no let me change that - my grandfather - pressures me for an addition to the family, and I think he thinks that procreating is a duty. I'm not so sure when there are plenty of kids out there already. Our planet is full enough, thank you very much. But I only think that in defense. I don't think I would be doing any damage by adding another child to the world.
Career! My other option right now is to focus on my career. This is sort of tricky because I'm not sure I want to do what I've been doing for the rest of my life. I'm a technical writer and an editor - a pretty good one too, I think. I love grammar and I know it inside and out. And for what I don't know, I have these handy style manuals that remind me what I am forgetting in my old age. So anyway, I could continue on this path... Get a new job and work hard at it. Maybe be an editor-in-chief of something someday. Mostly what I'm looking at here is money. I really like money. It helps me buy stuff that I don't need like designer clothes, spendy Christmas gifts for others and vacations to Disney World (3).
School! Even though I'd have no idea how to pay for it, eventually I'd like to go back to school. Either for my MA in something (everyone says business graduates make lots of moolah), or going back to school for art. As I'm sure you can tell from my drawing, I love to do so, but the talent is somewhat lacking. And never mind my complete disregard for perspective. My dream job would be to work for Pixar. But that's one of those dream jobs that is the ultimate dream. I don't think I can get that far. Not without a lot of schooling, the best grades, and a lot of luck.
The side roads... Well, let's be honest. Don't we all wish sometimes that we could just pack up and leave? I would love to sell everything, buy a plane ticket and move to a sunny island somewhere. Work as a bartender and spend my mornings at the beach. Yeah, I could totally dig that. (4) And of course I have other ideas. Plans I would never initiate unless I was at rock bottom. Or if the eventual zombie apocalypse comes early. And it will come. ;-)
So, where does my brainstorming lead me? Well, I'm still not sure. Still stuck. Maybe I need motivation. Or a sign. Maybe I just need to cuddle my guinea pig some more and then when I'm done sneezing, contemplate some more.
1. I hate wusses and weak people. My grandparents are the toughest people I know, and I believe I've followed well in that category.
2. The Boomers ruined everything.
3. That's a big one. Just about everything I do I do with the knowledge in the back of my mind that I want to go to Disney World again. And again. And again.4. Does saying "dig" date me? Is that not cool anymore? :-p
