Long Weekend

It's Wednesday following the 4th of July weekend, and I cannot believe that one week ago, I was up to my neck in CONvergence preparations. From Wedneday (the 29th) to the following Monday, Andrew and I were helping run the largest party in the midwest. Days after, I am still exhausted, though more mentally than physically. Physically though, I seem to have wounded my knee, and I'm not sure quite how that happened.

This weekend kept me busier during the convention than I'd ever been before. This year, I had four groups I was working with, and obligations for each one. For the convention committee itself, I was working as a sub-head for Merchandise (acting head up until May while Andrew finished the semester) and co-head for the Photography department. Merch was probably the most maddening, and Photography the least so. I have more fun with that than anything else.

I was also running the Dr. Horrible and Buffy sing-a-longs for VHU and MN Firefly. MN Firefly/Browncoats have a licencing agreement that gives them the rights to show Dr. H at CON and also at a local theater in August to raise money for charity (Equality Now). The Buffy one VHU does on it's own, but invites the browncoats in to give their speech on Equality Now, just as they do for the Dr. H sing-a-long. I myself am not planning on hosting the sing-a-longs next year for two main reasons. One, I'd like to enjoy the con from 11 to 1 every night and not have to worry about technical difficulties (which seem to plague me every year). Two, my relationship with VHU has faltered and I no longer get along with several of their members. Sad that I seem to rack up enemies the way I do, but I hate bigotry and hipocracy, and worst of all, I hate passive aggressive talking behind the back. I will never tolerate that, and would stand up to someone at the cost of friendship rather than accept a fair-weather friendship that is only based on lies.

Please forgive my tangent there. Aside from those items, my GPS/Project Lighthouse duties included setting up Raptor Center visits on Thursday and Saturday. On Thursday of the convention for a few years now, we've brought in kids from a local school as a field trip to see the con and see what we do. The kids go through "classes", help out around the convention and have a pizza party. One of the classes was the Raptor Center visit I set up. The kids loved the birds and I was very happy at how it went. Prior to that presentation, Andrew hosted the Science Q&A, and I was so proud at how he answered questions from all the kids.

The Saturday visit (for the rest of the convention attendees) went well too. The room was over-filled, and many were standing or sitting on the floor. The presenters did a great job and the leader - Katie - and I discussed how we could get a database together of all the schools who we could send them to. Very exciting! As the person in charge of Project Lighthouse, I love all the new friendships we help cultivate between schools and educational programs.

But a lot of these relationships take work. I did a lot of schmoozing over the weekend. A lot of networking and just plain a lot of working. This convention has become a job and the people all just co-workers. This is a major problem for me. First of all, I'm not getting paid for it, and it might be that I'm doing far too much to not be getting any benefits. And second, I'd really rather be spending the time with my real friends - hanging out, having fun...all that good stuff. Volunteering a few hours here and there is worth it... but I'm realizing that volunteering my life away isn't. Even if it turns out that in the end, more money is donated because of me, or more kids are educated because of me, I don't know that I can put a number on it to justify its worth.

It's obvious I've been pretty conflicted lately. I love being busy, so busy that I can barely breathe is a bit much. And of course, due to that, I've been neglecting personal relationships. Family, friends, etc. Though I'm sure they understand, I don't wish to sacrifice them for nothing.

Actually... I want to start sacrificing all of this for me. I want to start getting what I want.

Now, to just figure out what that is...